Expense Account

I calculated today that purely education costs for me meaning Tuition and Room and Board (at collegiate institutions) for my life until i am 22 results in about a quarter million dollars from my family. $ 217,000. That is maybe only 40% of my lifetime expenses for my family. Being optimistic.

What does this investment of capital (ultimately labor) mean? Obviously I am more than this number. I am more than this investment in dollars but if so is there some expectation that i will pay some sort of dividend? That being raised on such a High bar of excellence that i should somehow be able to earn more than my family once did. this... this working class dream? does it apply to me? should I earn more money/ respect than my forefathers? This education of mine has entitled me with many things. The first i suppose is that money despite being the abstract god of civilization somehow is meaningless and nearly worthless to me. It does not rule my life because i will not let it. But somehow if this is the case and i choose to be poor starving but authentic artist do i let down generations that were leading up to this. Do I take step back? if i engage in thinking like this is this just me feeling repressed by the ongoing classed world and this class struggle. By not being a lawyer, a doctor, a business man, a professional do i confess that I am too weak to live up to not just expectation but also do i selfish destroy the hopes of others. The hopes that they lay within me by giving their hard earned money to benefit me. My education has benefitted me but how do i make it benefit those who supported me? If they understand the world in terms of capital as the primary means of earning respect and who to be. How do i benefit them by giving them a useless and potentially worthless painting? Is my philosophizing worth anything to them?