I am destroying and reintegrating and deconstructing marcus aurelius' meditations influence on me. I want to say fuck it you screwed me. But now I realize I would not understand hegel without him. And that I must abandoned stoicism in it's entirety and reform its blended mush in my genuine being. I must destroy it as a notion of life. Because i need no notions. But I don't wish to be abusive of aurelius who hath given me so much. But i must move forward and not in stupendous unreality.