Pale Blue Eyes

I think I have been attracted to any girl who will giggle at my jokes. who will poke fun with me. anyone who could flirt with me. I need to flirt better. I need to know when they want me. When they don't. and what the fuck is going on. I need radar, satellite and all that other shit to get my bearings. I can't keep messing up. I am only young for so goddamn fucking long. Why do i keep messing up. Or giving up. Or not trying. What is it that i need.

I think i need to paint everyday.
Draw everyday
make art everyday.

thats the only thing that will reconnect me with me attached the things that make me whole. I just want to get it right. I realized i wish i could be a taoist. I wish i wished that i wanted a perfect content life. I might be able to do that. that would deny a distinct aspect of being human. Perfecting oneself is inhumane. reaching for perfection is human. but being or assuming to be perfect especially because of religion is inhumane. Religion is good that it gives us hope to be perfect. but it is terrible model for perfect.

I don't want to be perfect. I want the struggle. i want to be human.

linger on. Your pale blue eyes. Linger on. Your pale blue eyes. guitar solo.

also there is hope i might ot die as an artist. health care. got passed by the house. RFK lead us. RFK