I found an answer

“One has to believe in what one is doing, one has to commit oneself inwardly, in order to do painting. Once obsessed, one ultimately carries it to the point of believing that one might change human beings through painting. But if one lacks this passionate commitment, there is nothing left to do. Then it is best to leave it alone. For basically painting is idiocy.” (From Richter, 'Notes 1973', in The Daily Practice of Painting, p. 78.)

-Gerhard Richter, my favorite living painter.

will anyone take me seriously? we really want to be taken seriously as something worthwhile with artistic integrity.