I need a place to be violent

I need a place to be violent to let loose who i am in roaring flame of aggression.. Because today I accept that i am human.

Am I genius. maybe. Am I human. Still maybe but more likely. Do I want to be perfect. still maybe.

am I lost. I hope not. actually yes. I can't admit it. Do I want to fight about it. everyday.

Do I fight. Yes. with everything. But in my head. I fight wars, sorties, battles, conflicts that tear me limb from limb.

Leaving a sardonic, attic, sarcastic, bastard whose cynicism kills romance and creates friends. like the sombre pick on the dull fish.

I long to be part of the group. But i am part of every group. I long to trash and get trashed. I think too much.

Everyone just seems too innocent for me. I observe in life. but i don't create. except my art is an integration of what i observe.

Because everyone is just a delicate individual unique flower.... I watch them bloom falter thrive die do as they do.

I can't bring myself to interrupt that to stop that. maybe because i want to expect the next thing. maybe because i am afraid.

I can't do anything but paint. draw. collage. photograph. because i can't control. but i need to let go. help me.

Should my art be about others that i watch.... or things that I Do.

WHO CAN I CONFIDE THIS TOO

I try to control everything. HELP>