The Mistakes of My Father

I promised my mother I would not make my father's mistakes. That I would not grow to be like him angry and disappointed. This is not to say I dislike him. I love him with the greatest magnitude of my heart. He has been a great father...far better than the father's I have seen but my proof I suppose is my deep satisfaction that I have with my self. But he stands amongst me consumed with suffering. And he has been perhaps not a particularly good husband. His mind it is remarked by all as remarkable but few are his achievements and this makes him feel small and insignificant.

I went to go see what I would/should/could be at the career development office. It was frightful that I explained to her all of these things and my life's existence in 15 minutes but she could not help nor understand she directed my to not for profit work. I indulged her thoughts with my lies but I suppose I knew I would not do that.
I am from a family that once earned a sum of money but was unhappy. I am from a family that lost that money and was still unhappy. Their possessions bought them nothing.


I suppose the question then becomes how long and will I become the artist I want to be. And what of the money?
Or should I be corporate suit.

I don't know why but I am rather uncomfortable helping people in a non-physical way or let's just say I am not comfortable doing volunteer work or attempting to save the world.

I need to stop making or wanting people to believe what I believe and merely make them feel as I feel.