But I must I must have hope. Hope though it may betray me. Life too betrays me. Hope is what Art is. It is not the hope that the reality there in the picture in the film in the sounds will be real because it is already real. It is the hope we may understand each other. It is the Hope that my subjective reality doesn't leave me here all alone but rather amongst every subjective reality unified by their individuality.

I shall endure. I shall not wallow. But I shall not succumb to fear. The fear bread from failed hopes. The fear that is my inaction. My incompetence. My me.

Tomorrow more paint. More pens. No excuses. Only Homer.

Without painting, I am not free nor do I understand freedom. Freedom not the absolute. But the freedom to direct the ship. The freedom to navigate my own boat. To move my subjective reality.