Soprano's

OK, so i realized after watching a season and half of the Soprano's on DVD that my father is a lot like Tony... Cruel, You know just a legit mean mobster and gangster with soft spot for feathered bird ins his yard. Well i have found myself more and more like Tony's Friend Artie Bucco... kinda a nice guy with modest life doing what he loves being a chef etc. Well Tony is always good to Artie except when they sort of stab each other in the back... i dunno itse weird i feel really humble and simple and justing doing what i love but also not in completely control of my life's direction but i suppose tony isn't either. He just has greater illusion of control.

Issue number two I learned on Sunday that Amelia, My ex-girlfriend- and first everything kiss through sex, has boyfriend in college. So to explain what Amelia means to me is well I think i can solidly say I was or possibly am in love with her. Well we have been broken up since August when i departed to Uillinois. And we really haven't had a substantial conversation since but we agreed to be friends. Well I say her Monday (today) and we were precisely friends... I didn't end up fucking her in my bed despite a few moments where my emotions tried to pry at me. I know that I am suppose to love and care for her and i absolutely do but i am not sure how i should feel about this boy. I mean i respect all of her actions, which in our relationship where generally the right decision. But what does he mean to me... Is she saying she has found someone better (wow I sound shallow).... I mean she showed me his facebook (whatever superficial information i get from it). I suppose i also haven't been as fidelious. So i don't think i am complaining about her or this is a complain issue at her but instead. I seek guidance (maybe from your out there but more likely from myself and my soul searching). Maybe its that i started to feel that Amelia was part of my identity that loving her was a character that belonged to me? Or maybe it is that the fact she has moved on means that I need to move on solidly and rigidly and this is now a point in my life that demarks the end of something and begining of something else? I really always prided myself on not being scared of the future but i think right now i am truly scared that I can't have Amelia in the future and its shaking my world like nothing else. Signs that my life is changing.... I listen to more radiohead.... I did this before i moved to college.... I started when I decided where i was attending.... I mean Radiohead for mean equates moments of great change, Hope, despair, overally liveliness. I actually believe listening to Radiohead raises one's quality of life by 5%.


Shit I sound like a Britsh school boy(who listens to the Smiths) crossed with Sarah Jessica Parker from Sex In the City.

Things that I am super excited for.... Proximity Magazine's Third Issue... very cool Chicago art magazine that has some of th best layout I have ever seen and really fantastic articles about emerging and established art across the world and in my beloved home.
http://proximitymagazine.blogspot.com/