the cause of Ennui

 The cause of Ennui is the problem of the paradoxical mind. The problem of dualities. When one realizes that they both wish to be accepted and exceptional. And accepted for being exceptional but yet continues to wish to exclude oneself from the mass for the sake of their own identity catapulting themself away from the very people that make them exceptional. It is realizing that you have already become so exceptional that how can I really be accepted as a real person and how can I accept others as real people. It burns. I acknowledge the cause of my ennui. But I am making a B line to my exceptionalness but so strongly desire to be wanted. to be cared for. To be understood. But continuously seek to be independent from groups and group thinks. And collaborativity. I need to find the balance. I need to find the distance that is right.