What I was/wantedtobe is what I am

I must confront my past desire. In full force. Who did I wish to Be? Who did I want to be and How are they all connected. it's obviously embarrassing but you got to face the past

I wanted to be

Thomas the Tank Engine

Simba/A Lion

Herro Yuuy

Goku

Vegeta

An Evangelion Pilot/Shinji

Jean Grey/Phoenix

Cyclops/Someone Who shot Lazers From Somewhere/Havoc

Wolverine

A Samurai

A Ninja

A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle/Leonardo/Raphael

The Red Power Ranger

The White Power Ranger

A Rockstar/Excellent Guitarist/Jimi Hendrix/A Beatle-Not Ringo

Beast Wars/Optimus Prime

A Hoplite

Charizard

Batman

James Bond

Robin

A Jedi/Especially Luke but especially my own Jedi

I didn't want to be Han until I got older

Masterchief/That Halo Warrior

A Modern American Soldier

A WWII American Soldier

Gordon Freeman/Mostly Postapocalyptic Savior

All of these things. I wanted to be So badly I closed my eyes. Or sometimes with my eyes open. Imagined my reality was their reality. I customized characterized. i was attracted to shooting lazers, having a sword especially of any weapon, Being a hero, dividing the world into good and evil, carrying a Gun, Jedi was really great because I had most of things all together except the mechanized suit of armor. But superhuman control of eletric/plasma energy

So Batman, Gundam, Beastwars, Gordon Freeman, James Bond, Master Chief, Evangelion, Power Rangers all fulfilled the need to having gadgets at my disposal and mostly a high tech suit of armor Even Thomas the Tank Engine allowed me to be a Machine

Gordon Freeman, Goku, Vegeta, Jean Grey, Cyclops/Havoc, Somewhat Shinji, CharizardAll fulfilled my need to have supernatural control over energy fields and plasma beams shooting out of me.

Herro Yuuy, Ninja, Samurai, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, Hoplites,Wolverine, Jedi, All allowed me to be have a sword both as a symbol and an actual tool that cut and sliced. Making Clean cuts.

Obviously I wanted guns, Han, and the soldiers.

I wanted to be a leader like everyone i mentioned and now including simba

Basically I wanted to fight to good fight. I wanted to have power. I wanted to alter the world. I wanted to do it directly and clearly. I wanted to also be invulnerale from suffering with a protective shell. I want a sword as a symbol of old fashion strength and heroic leadership. I wanted to be an invulnerable leader. I want to be akin to a star in power. I wanted to bend the world to my will and not get hurt. I wanted to be clean and fast. But almighty strong.

I have to remember and synthesize this desire.