Have I ever Understood anything?

Have I ever actually breached the surface layer of information on anything to come back with more than just words? but something less tangible more surreal?
Can I do something for fun? for the sake of fun and find something more to it?
Can I do something random and find something more to it?

In the renaissance the status of painters and sculptors and fine artists was elevated to class less then noble of high esteem and of good company. In ancient greece slaves were banned from art because it was believed to free one's mind. The court of the wealthiest patrons held artists as above jesters but somehow somewhere near there.

So I suppose the true question is where does the artist stand now in the world between blue and white collar work? If it is still regarded as an intellectual pursuit or too mind numbingly complex and abstracted for it to resemble anything intellectual.
I suppose in the art institute there is a Bruce Nauman that explores whether artists are merely clowns given more status?
I mean the people I know, most of them exceptionally smart, don't get it. Don't get art. Go the museum for the sake of it. To say it happened. So for them in the back of their mind an Art and artists are a farce.
Or maybe nobody appreciates art like me.
Has design replaced art? do the mass produced design objects offer people a more rewarding experience. Does graphic designed advertising magnates represent the future of what art is. Is Design a substitute for art.
What is it that I Do.
I was watching Lost in Translation (for the zillionth time) the other day and Bill Murray character explains to Scarlett Johanssen that "the more you know who you are and what you want... the less... you let things upset you."
And little upset me because I know what I am. I where I want to go.
But I find I have become someone humorless and oddly antisocial or too polite and not the active me. I don't know what is wrong nor right.
Am I still a Kid? do I have kid like existence? Am I mature enough to handle real life.
What do I want and should I get from college? how do I find it? Do I lower myself? or are they above me?
Is my Pride too strong?
Do I not respect anyone or anything that they say?
How Can i compromise?
Should I compromise?
How do I deal with abrasive personalities?
Do I drown out social situations?